Jumperbay The Series
by meekobb
Summary: Story was written by a friend and I for our RPG community. It is mostly crack and just for fun. Unfortunately, it will also never be finished do to lost files and extended time since writing. Apologies.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Stargate is not owned by me, "Nat", or anyone else involved in this little diddy. Sadly we are just borrowing the wonderful characters to use to our twisted minds' purposes. The original characters however do belong to us and hope you enjoy!_

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"Your drunk…" Rodney McKay hiccupped, as he stumbled over a tree branch. Looking back over her shoulder, Dr. Haley James shook her head.

"Nah uh, you are," she quipped back. Rodney chuckled at the childish comeback, immediately scowling when he bumped into Haley who'd ground to a halt. "Watch it," she whispered back. Rodney glared at the back of the younger woman's head.

"You're the one who stopped, which brings up the question why'd you stop?" he asked loudly. Haley turned and slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Sssssh," she hushed, "Listen…can you hear that?" Rodney's eyes grew wide at what they heard, and he answered his voice muffled by Haley's hand. "What?" Haley frowned, then when Rodney scowled at her she blushed and moved her hand, "Sorry."

"That's coming from the _hiccup_ camp site, look maybe we should head back to Ronon, Teyla and all those other people with the guns," Rodney turned and prepared to run back to the bonfire when Haley pulled him back.

"Come on, what if someone's _hiccup_ stealing our stuff," she asked, stumbling backwards and catching herself on a tree.

Rodney scoffed, "And if they are? What are you or I going to do. You may not know this about me but I'm not that into violence," he said, his voice low as he took in his surroundings fearfully. Pushing herself away from the tree Haley did her best to look tough, which due to her drunken state was not happening.

"Well if it comes to violence, I'll show 'em what for, Ronon's been showing me…" Hailey remarked, Rodney waved a hand stopping her mid sentence.

"Yeah I know what Ronon's been showing you and I'd appreciate you not sharing anything else," he snapped, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. Haley crouched down and picked up a small tree branch, "Give me that!" Rodney reached for the branch and Haley batted his hand away.

"You're drunk Dr McKay…I am not letting you handle a weapon."

Rodney sighed heavily and looked squarely at her, "I'm fine…you drank _hiccup _just as much as me," Haley shook her head, her chin raised as she turned, immediately tripping over her own feet and landing face down in the ground. Rodney snickered, "See!"

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

"Did you hear that?" Elsa Gutierrez, pulled away from one Colonel Sheppard and looked towards the front of her tent. John Sheppard who had in fact heard the noise sat up shirtless, Elsa fastening her bra back on and grabbed her own shirt.

Grabbing his gun from it's holster, John warned Elsa to stay in the tent, as he listened more carefully to the noises outside hoping he'd be able to identify who was coming. Shutting his eyes in frustration when the voices quietened and the footsteps drew closer, he counted down in his head…1...2...3...

Bursting out from the tent, John spun around his gun prepped and ready to fire, at whatever creature or psycho he met.

"See, told you it was Kirk," Rodney was stood beside the tent, with Haley behind him. Looking around Rodney, Haley groaned.

"Aw damn," she muttered already rooting through her pockets. John gun still raised looked between the two.

"What the hell are you guys doing here?" he asked, lowering the gun. "You do realise I could of shot you," Rodney waved a hand.

"Yeah but you didn't _hiccup. _Might want to get a shirt on though," Rodney waved a hand indicating to John's half nakedness as a poorly dressed Elsa clambered from the tent, handing John a shirt.

"I _hiccup_ hate you," mumbled Haley, handing Rodney her last chocolate bar and watching as he proudly walked/strutted/stumbled to his tent a smug aura around him.

Turning her attention to the couple in front of her, Haley shook her head, "You couldn't have just been thieves?!" She gave them both a disappointed look and turned back around walking back towards the cover of the trees. "Now…if you'll _hiccup _excuse me, I have to go throw _hiccup_ up_._"

John and Elsa stood both highly embarrassed watching the retreating figure of the young doctor. "I should go check on her," announced Elsa already moving away from John, who cleared his throat and nodded.

"And I should go check on Brain back there," he nodded, quickly turning around and heading to Rodney.


	2. Chapter 2

"Do you have to stomp everywhere," growled Rodney as he emerged from his tent, head in his hands as he glared at Ronon who was stood with his arms crossed over his chest smirking. Teyla who was packing away her stuff hid a smile.

Rodney planted himself on a log beside Haley who was also nursing her own head, a pair of sunglasses perched on her face. Without even looking at Rodney she held her hand out, which had two painkillers laying in the middle of it. Rodney smiled as much as he dared. "Lifesaver," he stated simply.

Haley didn't answer him just grimaced as she turned her head again. Her hand immediately clamping over her mouth as the colour drained from her face. "No sudden movements," she mumbled after a minute or so, glaring behind her glasses when Ronon sniggered.

"Neither one of you can handle your drinks," he stated the obvious fact earning himself a scowl off both doctors.

"Well in my defence I hadn't eaten and I don't usually drink," huffed Haley, and Rodney nodded grimacing again.

"Me neither," added the wincing voice of Rodney.

"Good morning campers," John walked back into the campsite smiling at Ronon and Teyla, then immediately silencing and looking shifty when he spotted Rodney staring at him, an amused look on his face. Haley who'd pulled down her glasses slightly, one eyebrow raised as she stared at him.

"Erm…well you all best put your things back, we've been invited to stay another night, and Weir seems to think it would be rude to decline," he said, looking anywhere but at the two who so rudely interrupted his evening.

Rodney and Haley shared a look before chuckling to themselves, whilst Ronon and Teyla shared a confused look.

"_Doctor Doctor tell me the news I gotta bad case of loving you_…"Haley sang quietly making Rodney laugh as Elsa came out of her tent. Turning around to look at Haley, John gave her a pointed look.

"Behave…the pair of you," he ordered, Haley rolled her eyes and saluted as Rodney scoffed.

"Well if we're staying here, I'm getting some more sleep," sighed Rodney, losing his balance slightly as he stood up, and wobbled back into his tent.

"As for me I'm going to play down in the ruins," standing up Haley quickly lost her balance, and if Ronon hadn't caught her, falling to the floor would have been a sure thing.

"I'll come with you," said Elsa, speaking for the first time that morning, Haley smirked.

"You sure you want to I mean I would've thought you'd rather…" she trailed off as Elsa glared at her and dragged her away from the camp.

"I will get you back for that you know," she threatened, Haley laughed and shook her head, as the two friends headed down to the ruins.

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_Note: Both the author and I like reviews! Really! If you enjoy what you're reading please feed us! Stay tuned for more fun with the team..._


	3. Chapter 3

_Note: Okay, now this has become a collaborative effort as of this chapter. Hope everyone enjoys! Reviews are welcome! Feed your author(s) please, and don't talk to strangers._

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Elsa worked on keeping her friend upright as they climbed over fallen trees as they made their way to the ruins of the old city. "Maybe next time, you shouldn't try to out drink McKay," she said once they hit solid land again.

"I wasn't trying to out drink him. He was trying to out drink me," Haley retorted. "Besides, it's not like you were there to stop either of us." She made her way to look at one of the stone pillars that remained standing, glancing back at the other woman.

Dr. Gutierrez, if all possible, blushed many shades of crimson at the implications. "Well, I – uhh," she tried to reply intelligently, and failing.

"Seriously though," Haley continued, frowning at the memory of losing her bet to him the night before. "McKay is going to be ranking in a lot of dough or chocolates or whatever when we get back to Atlantis."

Glaring at her friend, Elsa rushed up next to her. "What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, slightly panicked. If anyone found out about her relationship with John, they'd have their heads on a platter for the IOA.

Haley pursed her lips pretending to keep her mouth shut, but seeing the look on her friends face made her soften. "There's been bets going around that you and the Colonel have been an item for some time now. You two been covering your tracks well enough, but last night – that really took the cake. If I only had a camera," she said, thoughtfully looking away with a wry smile on her face.

Smacking Haley in the shoulder, hard, Elsa tried to give her best angry look. "Haley," she growled. "No one is to know about it and I'd _like_ it to stay that way!"

Elsa went to pout as she sat on a nearby rock to think of how to keep McKay's mouth shut over the whole incident. She knew John was likely thinking the same thing at that point, but neither thought helped alleviate the frustration at the interruption. It had been a few weeks by that point that John and her had any time alone for any kind of recreational togetherness. A few private moments when he came into the infirmary for a band-aid or to visit one of his teammates or underlings never counted.

Sighing, she watched Haley stare at the dilapidated rocks that the villagers referred to as the 'old city'. It reminded Elsa of the reports from the Athosian camp when the expedition first arrived in Atlantis. Picking up a rock and tossing it, watching it skip along the soil, she sighed. The trip wasn't going as she hoped, and maybe tonight Rodney and his new partner in crime would leave the two alone.

Haley, lost in her archaeological thoughts, looked around at the sudden silence. Finding her friend sullen nearby, she left her alone, a smile on her face, knowing her friend well enough to know what her thoughts were.

"I also happen to know you got a shipment of Ghirardelli chocolates in on the last trip from the Daedalus," Haley said, deviously.

Leaning forward, elbows on her knees, chin resting in her hands, Elsa barely glanced at Haley. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just saying," the scientist offered. "You might be able to work out a negotiation with McKay." Haley looked back over at Elsa.

Raising an eyebrow at the thought, Elsa's lips twitched. She had been planning on teasing John with the chocolates, but for secrets and private time, she might be willing to give it up.

"I knew there was a reason I liked you," Elsa said, as she stood. "I'll … umm be back," she said as she practically ran back up the trail to find John or Rodney – whoever she came across first.

Haley shook her head with a smile and groaned when everything started to spin again for a moment. Damn hangovers!


	4. Chapter 4

John was sat talking to both Teyla and Ronon, about really nothing in particular. His gaze flickering from them to Rodney's tent.

Finally standing up, he calmly excused himself from the conversation, missing the look exchanged between his two friends as he walked up to Rodney's tent. "Rodney…" not receiving any answer he crouched down, and slunk into the tent.

Rodney continued to snore, oblivious to the other presence within the tent. Nudging his friend, John scowled when Rodney just started snoring louder. Narrowing his eyes, he nudged Rodney more forcefully, grinning proudly when Rodney groaned and rolled over, "What!" he exclaimed, squinting at John.

"We need to talk," stated John, Rodney groaned and dropped his head back into his pillow,

"I don't want to talk, I'd like to sleep off this headache which if I remember is your fault," he accused, John laughed,

"Yeah because I forced you to try and out drink Dr James," he retorted, Rodney realising he wasn't going to get rid of John, pushed himself up. Rubbing his hands over his face he glared at the Colonel who waited patiently, "We should get our stories straight about last night,"

Rodney despite the incredibly painful hangover he had laughed, "No thanks, I know we're friends but I'm not quite ready to start sharing stories like that...ouch!" holding the back of his head he frowned at John, "What the hell was that for?"

"For not shutting up," John answered with a shrug of his shoulders, he needed Rodney to realise this had to be kept quiet. Elsa and he were just starting out in their relationship or whatever the hell this was and the last thing they needed was to have to deal with the added pressure of being topic of the month on Atlantis's gossip mill. "Look, what you and Dr James saw…we want to try and keep this between us," Rodney groaned

"Aw come on, people are going to figure it out sooner or later, I may as well save you both some time, and share the news…" he trailed off wincing under the glare John was sending his way,

"No one is going to know Rodney and that's that okay," John growled, fixing his friend with his best threatening look. "Come on as a buddy do me this favour…"

Rodney prepared to answer, before a slow, deliberate smirk spread across the scientists face. "As a friend I guess I could keep this quiet, but…"

John flinched inwardly and looked away, "But what?" he asked scared of the answer,

"It'll cost you," Rodney smiled brightly.


	5. Chapter 5

John sat talking to both Teyla and Ronon, about really nothing in particular. His gaze flickering from them to Rodney's tent.

Finally standing up, he calmly excused himself from the conversation, missing the look exchanged between his two friends as he walked up to Rodney's tent.

* * *

Ronon watched as John walked away before turning to Teyla who had been slowly unpacking her things again. "So?" he asked. "What do you think?"

Teyla hesitated, but gave a knowing nod. "I believe our assumptions were correct," she answered, her gaze carefully watching Rodney's tent and the trail. "We must not breathe a word of it in Atlantis though. It could not mean well things, for both the Colonel and the Doctor."

Not answering her, Ronon continued to stare at McKay's tent where Sheppard went to bothering the man. "What I don't get is why their people are so against relationships," he said, scratching at his head before turning to help with the camp set up again.

"It's the way of their world. I still do not understand many of their customs, but we must accept it, as they accept many of ours," Teyla said patiently.

Grunting in dissatisfaction, Ronon stooped to pick up his back just as Elsa came running back up the trail. Looking back at Teyla, he ducked his head to hide the smile.

Elsa glanced around the camp before approaching her two friends. "Have either of you seen where John or Rodney went?"

Ronon exchanged a look with Teyla, who simply nodded in the direction of the tent. "Colonel Sheppard just went to speak with Rodney.

"Oh," was all Elsa was able to get out before turning to stare at the tent.

Teyla stood after finishing her task and glanced around the camp. "Ronon and I are going back to the village and collecting some food for breakfast. You are welcome to join us."

"We are?" Ronon asked, confused. At his friends glare, he nodded and started heading for the edge of the camp, "We are."

"Thanks, but I really need to speak with Rodney," Elsa replied, smiling back at them. Turning towards the tent she hesitated before poking her head in.

John had been waiting on Rodney's demands when the tent flap opened and Elsa came in. Turning red, he just smiled at her and tried to focus on McKay.

"Well speaking of the Devil," Rodney smirked as he rolled over onto his back.

"Rodney," Elsa started to say her reasons for interrupting when John interrupted.

"Rodney here won't keep his mouth shut unless we have something to offer," he said annoyed.

Smiling, she nodded knowingly. "I kinda figured that out on my own. That's why I'm here. I have a bargain for you Rodney…One I'm sure you will find difficult to pass up," she said kneeling beside the man.

"What could you possibly have that I would be interested in?" McKay asked, only to receive a threatening smile in return. He closed his eyes and swallowed the lump that got stuck in his throat as he heard the woman's offer.

* * *

Leaving Rodney's tent, Elsa and John looked at each other with successful smiles on their faces. "Well that went better than I thought it would," Sheppard shared.

"Yes, now let's hope tonight goes better than last night. They agreed to stay away, but…"

John turned to look at her and ran a caressing touch along her face, "They'll leave us alone. If they don't I'll make training sessions with Ronon mandatory for all science staff. They can't argue that."

He kissed her briefly and smiled. "I'm going to go back and check in with Elizabeth. Let her know that we all agreed to stay another night."

Nodding, Elsa smiled at John's warm touch, "I should head back to Haley anyway. She might get herself into a world of trouble if we leave her with the rocks for too long."

Grinning with anticipation, John left Elsa with another kiss as he ran off back to the Stargate.

Sighing, Elsa looked around the deserted campsite. Sad at losing all of her incoming chocolate, she knew it was worth the cost just to be alone for a night with John. She turned back to head to the ruins, obliviously to the two pair or curious and observing eyes from the forest edge that hid smiles.


	6. Chapter 6

"So what they given ya?" Haley asked as she flopped into a seat beside Rodney, who's eyes were trained on the tray of food in front of him.

"Ghirardelli chocolates," Rodney smiled brightly, just as excited as a little kid on Christmas. Haley shook her head at how easy it was to buy Rodney's silence.

"What about you?" he asked through a mouthful of food.

Haley shrugged, "Nothing," she answered simply, taking a sip of her **NON **alcoholic drink. Rodney turned to her looking at her as though she'd grown sixteen heads and said she loved him, "Elsa's my friend."

"Yeah and John's mine…just can't believe you're not milking this," he said, turning back to his dinner. Grimacing Haley looked back to the crowd around them. Tonight was another village party, and it was truly a wonderful sight.

"Dr James, Rodney? Ronon and I are going to head back to the campsite now…" Teyla stepped back as both doctors spun around on their seats to look at her.

"You what?" spluttered Rodney, as Haley looked around.

"Where's Ronon?" she asked, Teyla looked between the two with a frown. _'Why must everyone be acting so strangely today'_ she wondered again.

"Ronon has already started heading…Dr James where are you going?" she called after Haley who was already running, or rather stumbling towards the trees, to try and catch up with the Satedan. About to follow Teyla turned around only to be dragged back by McKay who planted himself squarely in front of Teyla.

"You can't go!" Rodney exclaimed.

"Dr McKay I would very much like for you to explain what it is that's going on right now," Teyla demanded, Rodney shrunk back slightly.

Damn what was he going to say? How could he keep Teyla here, and away from the campsite? Would Haley stop Ronon? Oh John was going to kill him…

Teyla sighed and walked around Rodney heading towards the same place Haley had gone, when Rodney spun around and said the only thing that jumped to mind, "I'm in love with Elsa!" he shouted. Teyla stopped abruptly and turned around to see Rodney with both his hands covering his mouth.

"You're what? Dr McKay that's all very well but that isn't a reason for me not to…"

"John's talking to her for me…" in his head, Rodney was thinking of the many ways he could kill the Colonel and get away with it. "He's finding out what she thinks of me, you know he's being a bud," Rodney trailed off when Teyla, merely smiled and nodded, returning to her seat across the table. Sighing in relief, Rodney glanced back at the forest, hoping Haley was getting through to Ronon. Rodney wanted his chocolates.

* * *

"Ronon wait!" shouted Haley tripping over a tree branch once again and landing flat on her face, "Ouch," she moaned rolling over, using her hand to muffle the shocked scream that almost slipped out when she saw Ronon peering down at her, a scowl set on his face. "How ya doin," she said, as he used one hand to pull her up.

"Want to tell me why you called me back here?" he asked, Haley looked up at the man, and cowered slightly, _'Dude's scary' _she thought. Forcing a brave face on she smiled/

"Parties not over yet…" she said as Ronon continued to glare at her.

"Yeah so…"

"So….you shouldn't leave, it may be considered rude, and with us just getting to know these people you wouldn't want them thinking…" she trailed off, realising she'd shrunk so far back she'd backed herself into a tree. Looking up at Ronon she sighed, "Look you just can't go back to the campsite yet."

"Why not?" asked Ronon, a challenging look spread over his features and he crossed his muscular arms over his chest.

Haley swallowed hard, "You just…erm…well you see the funny thing is…it's just…" Haley stuttered around, trying to grasp at something to say, how would she convince Ronon to back off? _'I could kiss him!' _she thought, blushing at the thought, but then shook her head, _'Nope not brave enough for that' _lost in her thoughts, she hadn't saw Ronon turn and start walking away again at first.

"I like Colonel Sheppard!" she called after him, immediately slapping herself on the forehead, Ronon stopped and turned around slowly, turning his piercing gaze on her.

"You like Sheppard?" he asked, Haley looked away and then back at him nodding, _'Why in the Sam heck did I have to say that? Of all the things…'_  
_  
_"Yeah, and Elsa's a good friend so she offered to try and find out how he feels about me," she added quietly, Ronon nodded his expression blank.

"Alright then," Haley looked up just in time to see him, stride past her and back to the party. Pouting at her own idiocy, she scowled in the direction of the camp site, before dragging herself slowly back to the party.

Ronon rejoined the festivities and sat down beside Teyla and the two began talking, throwing looks at both Rodney and Haley.

Haley slunk down in a seat beside Rodney who, now thanks to the fake revelation he'd just spilled to Teyla had pushed away his food, and now sat with a large pint sized mug in front of him, full of the village's own brewed ale. Without even looking or speaking to Haley, he pushed another mug towards her.

Without even looking at what was in the large glass, Haley swallowed a huge mouthful. "I'd very much like to get drunk now," she said, Rodney nodded sympathetically.

"Still think it's not worth milking this?" he asked, finishing his drink and demanding a refill. Haley herself quickly finished hers and did the same, before looking at Rodney.

"Oh they're both paying, _**BIG time**_," she said with determination as she glared at the forest edge that led back to their campsite.


End file.
